Congratulations on another day of being the main characters not only in your marriage, but honestly, in every room you walk into. The world is blessed to orbit around your plans, preferences, and perfectly timed selfies. I hope you’re well, though I’m sure, if you weren’t, we’d all hear about it soon enough.

You must be exhausted, carrying the burden of making sure the world never forgets how beautiful, intelligent, and right you both are. Whether it’s catching just the right angle for another photo or offering much-needed advice to your leaders, worship team, or anyone with the nerve to disagree, you’re faithfully keeping the universe on track. The only thing shinier than your reflection in the mirror is your certainty that you’ve already got it all figured out.

Some might call this selfishness. Don’t let it bother you. If you don’t look out for #1, who will? Why clutter up your perfect life with children, or by serving someone else, or heaven forbid, being quiet and teachable? You’re busy living your truth. And if that means letting everyone know how things should be done from the kitchen to the choir loft to the church office, you’re just doing your part to help the less-enlightened.

But let’s pause the parade for a moment. The best marriages and the happiest people are those who out-serve each other. They don’t keep score, and they certainly don’t make themselves the center of the universe. Instead, they start every day by asking, “How can I add value to my spouse and others today?” Imagine trying that, maybe just for a week. I wonder what would happen.

Most self-absorption isn’t confidence, it’s insecurity with a nice Instagram filter. If you truly knew how deeply God loves you, you’d be freed up to love others extravagantly, without needing the spotlight or the applause. The truth is, when you spend your days making sure the world notices you, you never have the security to lift someone else up quietly.

Maybe that’s why Jesus, the only one who deserves to be the main character, came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many. He invites us to follow His example: “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus… who made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant.” Real love, the kind that makes marriages thrive, is always about serving, forgiving, and choosing each other even when it’s hard.

Tonight, each of you write down three practical ways you can serve the other this week, with no expectation of getting something in return. Don’t announce it, just do it. And watch what happens. You might discover a joy that selfies and applause can never deliver.

Legacy isn’t built on who’s right or who gets the most attention. Legacy is built on what you give away. In thirty years, what kind of marriage do you want to look back on? One that was all about you, or one that made you both better and blessed everyone around you?

Sometimes, you need to slow down, step outside the noise, and notice the small, sacred gifts you miss when life is all about you. God’s love isn’t a trophy to be won, but a gift to be received like rain falling on thirsty ground.

The best parts of marriage don’t happen in the mirror. They happen in the mess, in the moments you forget yourself and remember each other. When you finally step out of the center, you make room for God’s grace to move in. The view is better from your knees, serving one another, than it ever was from the pedestal.

You don’t have to prove your worth. You are loved, as you are, more than you can imagine. When you know that, you’re free to love each other with open hands, not clenched fists.

Marriage is God’s cure for self-centeredness. You want to see how selfish you really are? Get married. You want an even bigger challenge? Stay married and actually love each other. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. So, focus less on perfect circumstances and more on your response, on growing in patience, kindness, and the habit of letting things go.

Major on grace, laugh at yourselves a little, forgive a lot, and remember that sometimes the best thing you can do for your marriage is to stop taking yourselves so seriously and start taking God seriously. God didn’t bring you together to make you happy, but to make you more like Jesus. Every frustration, every disagreement, every “Why don’t you see it my way?” is an invitation to choose humility and love over pride and self. When you finally get over yourself, you’ll discover a freedom and joy you never could’ve scripted on your own.

The human heart will always try to fill itself with attention, affirmation, and admiration until it knows it’s already held, already treasured, already delighted in by the Father. You don’t need to elbow your way to the front, because you’re already seated at the table of grace. You don’t need to demand applause, because the God who made you has already sung over you with joy. Your marriage isn’t a competition; it’s a celebration of what Christ has done for both of you, and the freedom to love comes when you know you’re loved, no matter what.

Self-centered living is just a sign you haven’t yet dared to believe the gospel is true for you, that Jesus finished the work, and your value is already settled at the cross. The moment you rest in what Jesus has done, you’re finally free to give yourself away, just as He did.

Marriage is not just about your happiness, but your holiness. Every argument, every hurt feeling, every clash of wills is an invitation, not to demand more from your spouse, but to see how much more of God’s grace you both need.

The very heart of the gospel is Jesus, who gave Himself for us, laying down His rights, not clinging to them, but humbling Himself for our sake. Marriage is meant to be a living picture of that sacrificial love. The irony is, when you stop trying to get your spouse to complete you and instead look to Christ for your security and worth, you finally have something real and lasting to give each other.

Your spouse isn’t your adversary or your audience; they’re your companion on the road to becoming more like Christ. When you see your own flaws reflected in the mirror of marriage, don’t despair. Run to grace. Let the gospel do its work. The more deeply you grasp what Christ has done for you, the more freely you can admit your own failures and forgive those of your spouse. That’s where true unity and joy begin.

So maybe, just for a day, take off the crown. Put down the phone. Trade the spotlight for a servant’s towel. Let God write a better story with your lives, a story of two people who found the secret to joy was simply loving each other well.

Wishing you less of you, more of Him, and a marriage full of grace, laughter, and the kind of love that changes everything.

With all the affection (and a wink),