I was just reading my Bible in Job 16 and noticed how Job hungered to be comforted by his friends. He felt that his friends were miserable comforters. It might help us to consider how to help the hurting.
At first, they did good.
When Job's friends heard of all the tragedies they got together, they planned to visit Job. They came to mourn with him and to comfort him. Job 2:11
When they saw Job and understood everything happening, they acknowledged that they knew him; he was their friend. They cried and hurt with him. They expressed their horror at what Job was going through. Job 2:12
They sat with Job for seven full days and nights without saying a word. They offered no counsel and didn't scold him; they were just there for him. They knew he was hurting beyond understanding. Job 2:13
Job was the first to speak. He cursed the day of his birth. He was sorry he had ever been born. His anguish knew no limit. Job 3:1-7
Ideas from Job on how to comfort the hurting
They expressed their friendship. Imagine how much of a journey they had to make. They didn't send messages or messengers; they traveled to Job. They sat with Job. They mourned with Job. They didn't ignore what was happening and just continued their lives. They inconvenienced themselves. They hurt for Job.
The psalmist said many people look around and realize they do not have true friends. No one will acknowledge knowing the hurting. No one cares. They hurt alone. They have no one. They feel alone and abandoned. Psalm 142:4
Thank God for Jesus, Jesus, who will be a friend that sticks closer than even a brother. Proverbs 18:24 Jesus lays down His life for His friends. John 15:13
Work the Plan
Make a plan to visit in person and comfort your friend.
Know that friendship takes time.
The most valuable thing you can give is time.
Feel their pain with them. Put yourself in their shoes. What if it had happened to you? Job 2:11
be touched by the feelings of their infirmities, their hurt.
Focus on your friend and their hurt.
No need for words.
There is no need to take action. Just be there
Sit long enough to hurt and feel with them.
Don't talk too much. Don't try to fix everyone.
Listen as he rants like Job's friends did at the beginning. Job 3:1
Let your friend throw all his burdens on you without judging him.
don't try to explain away their problems, acting like it is nothing to you
don't try to blame them
Trust the Holy Spirit of God to work in the person's life, your brother, not your servant.
When the comfort turned sour
Job is suffering horribly. His friends have come. They did great at the beginning, but the rest of the book of Job is about how they live, telling Job he has done wrong. They tell Job that he deserves the mess he is in. They argue and attack. They tell him of his failures.
He tries to defend himself, and they call him prideful as they continue to criticize and complain.
Can you hear it as Job begs them to understand him and his point of view? Please, I promise I didn't do what you are saying I did.
Would you put yourself in my shoes? What if something similar happened to you? Could I get some support and some love?
Is there any compassion?