I used to think life was just about what happened to me, cause and effect, plain and simple. “This happened, so here I am.” But I’ve learned that pain doesn’t write your story; how you handle it does. You can watch two people live through the same storm but come out on the other side in totally different places. The difference lies in how they handle their wounds.

Pain is not passive. If you let bitterness, hurt, and old wounds drive your life, they’ll pick your friends for you. They’ll decide who you trust, how you see the world, and even how you see God. And if you’re not careful, you’ll start to gather with people who see the world through the same hurt. Water seeks its own level. Misery loves company, and bitterness always finds a crowd.

Before long, the pain feels normal. Being around people who echo your anger starts to feel safe, like a cancer ward where everyone’s terminal and no one expects to get well. The sickness becomes the story. It’s easy to fall into that room and start to believe that healing is for someone else. That maybe bitterness is just what life is now.

But there’s a lie buried in that kind of comfort. Bitterness is a parasite that feeds on our need for justice but only poisons us from the inside out. It promises protection but builds a prison. And the longer you stay there, the more justified attacking others starts to feel. You end up telling stories about what they did, why you’re right to be angry, and why it’s only fair to lash out. But none of it brings you peace. It doesn’t please God, and it doesn’t heal your heart. It just makes the wound deeper and the world smaller.

Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” That isn’t just difficult. It’s impossible if you’re living from your old pain. God never asks you to fake it. He asks you to bring every wound and grudge into His light. He isn’t offended by your pain. He already carried it all the way to the cross.

Bitterness is like picking up a burning coal, thinking you’ll throw it at someone else. The only one getting burned is you. The Bible says, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Bitterness never stays put. It spreads to your marriage, your kids, your friendships, and your church. It poisons everything it touches.

Forgiveness is not pretending that what happened was right or sweeping it under the rug. Forgiveness is saying, “God, I trust You more than I trust my own sense of justice.” At the cross, Jesus absorbed every wrong, every betrayal, every wound. When you bring your pain to Him, you lay down your right to get even and pick up the freedom He offers. There’s no room for both the Holy Spirit and a grudge in your heart. You can’t carry the cross and a scorecard at the same time.

Some of us hold onto bitterness as if it’s our right. But it isn’t your right. It’s your ruin. Freedom is possible, but you have to let go. Healing begins with coming to Jesus with empty hands, willing to surrender the wound, and trusting that He’s enough.

Admit the pain. Don’t hide it or sugarcoat it. Bring it to God, mess and all. He already knows. He isn’t waiting for you to get better. He’s with you, even in the pit, offering Himself as the way out.

If your circle keeps you angry and stuck, take a step back. You’re not abandoning people; you’re choosing a different future. You can’t heal in a room where nobody wants to be well. Sometimes, you have to leave the crowd before you can move forward.

Letting go of payback isn’t letting others off the hook. It’s putting your heart in God’s hands. When you forgive, you break the cycle. The moment you do, you stop letting the past define your future. You step out of prison and into the light.

Your wound isn’t the end. God’s love meets you right where you are. You are not what happened to you. You are not your worst moment or anyone else’s. God’s not done writing your story, and there’s still a good future.

Surround yourself with those who speak life, hope, and truth, even when it’s hard. Sometimes, you have to step away from old patterns to make room for new growth. Attitude really does determine altitude. If you expect only pain, you’ll find it everywhere. If you look for God’s hand, you’ll see it, even in the hard places. You can’t always control what happens, but you can lead yourself. And the people around you, your spouse, your kids, your friends, will catch what’s in your spirit, for better or worse.

Growth isn’t about having all the answers or fixing yourself overnight. It’s a process. Just take the next right step. Sometimes, that step is as simple as praying, “God, show me where I’m holding onto bitterness. Show me the next step toward healing.”

Yesterday’s pain doesn’t have to keep you locked up today. This isn’t the whole story. God still has more for you. Let Him take you forward. There’s room for you in His presence.

Are you walking with people who help you move toward healing or just those who want to stay stuck?

What might happen if you took a step away from the crowd, even for one day?

Is there something you’re gripping that God is ready to take from your hands?

You don’t have to belong to the tribe of the wounded. You don’t have to prove your pain by staying angry. You were made for more than survival. You were made for freedom.

Let’s take one honest step at a time toward healing. And if you need help, ask God for it. He’s not far. He’s already reaching for you.