Most people believe they are good listeners. They nod and maintain eye contact while waiting for their turn to talk. Is that really listening?
Not listening can lead to deep divisions, hostility, isolation, hurt, hatred, and bitterness. These are the consequences we must strive to avoid by becoming better listeners.
Most of the time, instead of really listening, we rehearse what we want to say, filtering their words through our own belief system. We know we are right, our group is right, our prejudices are true, and our preferences are all right.
That is not listening but simply pretending to listen because we build more walls as we prepare our arguments when we do not hear what they say.
People feel unheard, devalued, and dismissed with just cause. Being unheard breeds resentment, anger, and, eventually, hatred. The hurt caused by not being heard runs deep, creating wounds that can last generations.
Why Don't We Listen?
We do not want our beliefs, ideas, or opinions challenged.
Social media has encouraged quick, thoughtless reactions with no feeling for the other person
We think we are correct, and so others need to know that
Listening would mean caring, and caring is not that easy to do
How Can We Listen?
Set aside our agendas
Stop judging
Really desire to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling
Know that we can learn from others
Be willing to change by what we hear
Approach conversations with curiosity instead of certainty
Ask questions that deepen understanding rather than prove points
Acknowledge our own biases and blind spots
Value connection over conversion
Listening is Challenging.
Listening requires practice, patience, and the courage to be vulnerable.
Being challenged and admitting we are wrong is difficult.
What listening is not?
Hearing is not listening
Not talking while another is speaking does not mean listening
Choosing parts of what you hear is not listening
Waiting for your turn to speak is not listening
Formulating responses while others talk is not listening
Hijacking conversations with your own similar experiences is not listening
Problem-solving without being asked is not listening
Judging or critiquing while someone shares is not listening
Half-listening while multitasking. is not listening
Interrupting with "helpful" suggestions is not listening
Making assumptions about what someone will say next is not listening
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I believe I have lowered every price to the lowest possible. I invite you to get some copies for gifts or your Bible study group. I will leave the books at this price until Christmas. You can order the book and use your Amazon Prime account to get it in two days.