One of my favorite novels is Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. The character that most grabbed me was Miss Havisham. She was a weird spinster who couldn’t get over her past or what had happened to her.

She is a lesson in the victim mentality.

She refused to move on from her hurts and emotional wounds. Her husband-to-be jilted her on their wedding day, and time stopped for her. She wouldn’t take off her wedding dress and change into anything else. The wedding cake sat in spiderwebs, rotting as rodents ate away at it. She stopped all her clocks in the house at the hour of her hurt when she was left at the altar.

This hurt turns into loneliness, bitterness, and isolation. She hated men because of what one man did or didn’t do to her. Unable to move on, she held onto her hurt from the past.

She raised an adopted daughter, Estella, and manipulated her into breaking men’s hearts, similar to how her own heart had been broken, all because of her unresolved anger. Her hurt engulfed her adopted daughter and those in her vicinity. She starts a cycle of hurt. Estella becomes incapable of loving even Miss Havisham.

Finally, as the novel ends, Miss Havisham seems to come to her senses. She asks Pip, the main character, to forgive her for hurting him and trying to destroy him.

You do not have to go so deep in the pit. You can forgive and move on. There is life after tragedy and hurt.

Bitterness has cut Miss Havisham off from the world, warping her perspective on everything, stagnating her emotional growth, and causing her to lose human connection and life.

Remember, she chose it. The original hurt was not her fault, but her response was totally her choice.

How are you reacting to disappointment, hurt, and setbacks? Choose to move forward. Do not get stuck in the past. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not here. Live today.