If I could sit across from my 18-year-old self, just a kid, barely out of high school, and one year of college already falling for a girl named Betty, full of dreams, blind spots, and way too much certainty, I'd want to get real for a minute. I want to spare you some scars, son, or at least help you see the grace in the scars you're bound to get. So here's what I'd say, heart to heart, one man to the boy he used to be.
First, don't let anyone talk you out of marrying Betty. She'll be the greatest blessing you'll ever know after the Lord Himself. You'll think you understand love on your wedding day, but you don't. Not really. You'll learn it kneeling beside hospital beds, whispering prayers over babies, making up after hard words, forgiving and being forgiven more times than you can count. Love isn't a feeling. It's not a fairytale. It's covenant, it's costly, and it's the only thing that lasts when the applause dies and the work phone stops ringing.
If you're going to work for God, don't try to be God. Somewhere along the way, you'll fall into the trap of performance-based religion. You'll try to earn what was always free, measure yourself by results, and confuse being busy with being faithful. It'll wear you out. And worse, it'll make you hard on others, quick to judge, slow to show grace, constantly comparing and competing. Don't do it. You are not the Holy Spirit. Changing people is not your job. Loving them is.
And let me add this, don't forget that people are your greatest asset. The value of your life won't be measured by what you build or accomplish, but by the lives you invest in. Encourage, develop, and lift others. Build people, not just programs. Your influence will outlive your achievements.
And while we're at it, stop living like you're on probation with God. Quit hustling for acceptance. God isn't looking for you to perform, impress, or prove your worth. You don't need to manage your own righteousness, and you sure don't have to manage anyone else's. Jesus is enough. Period.
Most of the regrets you'll carry won't come from loving people too much, but from living like God's love was a wage you had to earn. It's not. Right now, at 18, you are fully known, entirely accepted, fully included, and completely loved, not because you got it right, but because Jesus got it right and handed you His place at the table. You don't have to earn what's already yours. Let go. Fall back into grace.
When you try to fix people, you'll only frustrate yourself and them. Let people off the hook. The same Holy Spirit who's working in you is working in them, in ways you can't control or always understand. It's not your job to grade anyone's spiritual progress. Rest in the fact that God is at work, even when you don't see it.
Choose to grow on purpose. Maturity, wisdom, and depth don't just happen with age. Decide early to keep learning. Read. Ask questions. Find wise mentors. Set aside time, even if it's just a few minutes a day, to invest in your growth. Don't ever think you've arrived. Maintain a teachable spirit, and you'll continue to grow long after others have settled.
Regarding church work, it matters, but not as much as you might think. You'll convince yourself that every meeting, every service, every emergency is life or death. You'll pour in 70-hour weeks. You'll justify skipping family dinners, missing ballgames, pushing off vacations, and constantly telling yourself it's just this once. Let me save you some regret: the work will always be there. Your children and your wife will not. One day, you'll blink and wonder where the time went.
Take the vacations. Make the memories. Say yes to camping trips, lazy Saturday mornings, and ice cream after dark, even if you'll be on the carnivore diet later, haha. Turn off your phone. Leave the sermon unfinished if necessary. Look your kids in the eyes and listen to them. Hold your wife's hand in public. Nothing you accomplish in ministry will ever matter more than loving them well.
Learn everything you can about God's grace and His love. Not just as a doctrine to teach, but as the oxygen you breathe. Let it soften you. Let it surprise you. Let it ruin you for anything less. Grace will teach you how small you are and how safe you are at the same time. It'll make you kind to yourself and to others. The older you get, the more you'll realize that everyone you meet is fighting a hidden battle. So be gentle. Show the same kindness you long for. Remember the Golden Rule. Don't be so quick to criticize. Most people don't need a judge; they need a friend.
Remember, leadership isn't about the title. It's about serving. Use your influence to lift others, not to make yourself look good. Listen more than you talk. Say "I'm sorry" quickly. Give credit away. Be quick to stoop and lift, not just to stand and lead. The strongest leaders serve first.
Don't waste your life comparing or competing with others. Your worth isn't found in what you build, what you know, or what others think of you. It's found in who you are, a beloved child, held and kept by a Father who will never let you go. Be grateful for every good gift. Say it out loud. Tell your family. Thank God every day for laughter, for the roof over your head, for the people who love you even when you're impossible.
And don't just accept God's grace, enjoy it. Let it shape your laughter, your freedom, even your failures. Swim in it. Rest in it. Be reckless in your kindness because you're secure in God's kindness toward you. And when you mess up (because you will), run to God, not away from Him. There's nowhere safer than His arms, no matter how bad you think you've blown it.
Guard your attitude. Life will throw you curveballs sometimes, whole storms. You can't always choose what happens, but you can always choose your response. Gratitude, humility, and hope will carry you further than talent ever will. Guard your attitude, and encourage others to do the same.
Enjoy the journey. It goes faster than you think. There will be more grace in the hard days than you ever expected. You'll fail and get forgiven. You'll lose things you thought you couldn't live without, and you'll find out God is enough. One day when you look back, you'll see that the moments that mattered most were the ones you almost missed, simple, sacred, unscripted.
Success is good, but significance is better. Help others reach their God-given potential. Make a difference in the small moments, not just the big ones. Success fades, but significance lasts.
One more thing: The older you get, the more you'll see that grace is not just a doctrine, it's a Person. Jesus, living in you, loving you, and loving through you. That's the center. That's the secret.
Lead yourself first. Discipline and integrity in private matters, more than you know. Don't try to lead others until you're faithfully leading yourself. The habits you build now will follow you for a lifetime. Be the man you'd want your own son to follow.
And just so you know, you're loved right now, not someday, not when you get it all figured out. That's not just a line. It's the truth you'll come back to again and again, especially when you've made a mess of things.
So breathe. Slow down. Don't take yourself so seriously. Don't take grace for granted. And don't let a single day go by without telling your wife and your children you love them. You'll never regret it.
If you could hear me now, I'd hope you'd believe it.
And if you don't, you will.