I used to think life was just a matter of facts. This happened, then that happened, and that’s why things are the way they are. Simple, right? Then I started sitting across the table from people telling the same story with a whole different ending. It’s the same fight, the exact words, but a different takeaway. Suddenly, it hit me: Maybe what happened isn’t the whole story. What matters most is the story we tell ourselves about it.

Some folks walk into a room, hear a joke, and can’t stop laughing. Someone else hears the same words and leaves with a bruise that lasts for years. Ever wonder why? It’s not just the joke.

We all carry bags we didn’t pack on purpose. Hurt from years ago, disappointment nobody saw, a list of small things we swore didn’t matter, but never really let go. Before long, it colors everything. You walk around expecting to get hurt, and so you do. You see the world through that pain. That chip on your shoulder gets heavy, but it feels normal, as if it belongs there.

Remember, leadership, whether at work, at home, or simply leading yourself through life’s challenges, starts with self-awareness. You can’t fix what you won’t face. You can’t change the world around you if you’re not willing to let God change the world inside you.

When you’re wounded, you see threats everywhere. You brace for the punch even when nobody’s swinging. Every word, every look, and every silence you interpret. You misinterpret actions as offensive when they are not intended as such. You see rejection where there’s only awkwardness. It’s not just the world against you. Sometimes, it’s the wound inside you turning up the volume.

Remember, “Your attitude determines your altitude.” Are you showing up already, looking for something to be upset about? Are you expecting problems, disappointment, or blessings? Take personal responsibility, not in a shameful way, but in a freeing way. You get to decide how you respond. You’re not powerless.

Jesus told us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to those who spite us. Have you ever noticed how impossible that sounds when you’re already carrying a scorecard and waiting for your turn to strike back? “But you don’t know what they did.“ You’re right. I don’t. But I know what carrying the hurt does to your soul. It makes every joke feel like an attack. Every difference feels like a war.

You might read this and think, “But they really did hurt me.“ I won’t deny it. Some things really are that bad. The hurt you received as a child, the pain from a parent who never saw you or loved you well, the scars left by abusers, or even the deep ache of believing God abandoned you don’t just disappear with time. If you don’t let them be healed, they continue to leak into today. Not only do they destroy the past, but they also cloud your present. They even start to write your future for you if you let them.

Old wounds have a way of bleeding into new moments. You walk into a room and hear an innocent word, but what you hear is every echo of rejection or abandonment from years ago. It’s not fair, but it’s real. Those old injuries train you to expect more pain, and they make it hard to trust, to relax, even to laugh. They build walls you don’t remember building, and those walls end up keeping love out just as much as they keep hurt at bay.

This is why you can’t just “move on“ or “toughen up.“ You need real healing —deep, honest, grace-soaked healing that only God’s love can provide. He doesn’t shame you for your wounds. He isn’t asking you to pretend you’re fine. He wants to sit with you in that place, even if it’s ugly, even if it’s raw, and do the slow work of making your heart whole again.

Before you go after someone for what they said or did, before you cut off that friend or explode at the coworker, ask yourself: Am I seeing this clearly? Or am I seeing it through the haze of old pain and built-up bitterness? Are you coming into the room looking for a fight because you’re still fighting ghosts from yesterday?

Remember, you’ll never lead others well at work, in your family, or your faith until you first let God lead you. And leadership isn’t about position. It’s about influence. Your attitude is contagious. If you walk around wounded, bitter, and looking for a fight, you’ll pass that on to everyone around you. But if you walk in grace, teachability, and hope, that spreads, too.

You can’t change other people’s words or actions. You can’t always control what happens around you. But you can let God work on the inside so you’re not always living on edge. You can ask for new eyes, eyes that look for grace, instead of looking for a fight.

Next time you feel that sting, before you lash out or walk away, stop. Ask yourself, “Is this really about them, or is it about what’s still hurting inside me?“ Let God answer. Sometimes, that’s the beginning of peace.

If you find yourself always offended, always on guard, maybe it’s not the world. Perhaps it’s time to let God heal the burdens you’ve been carrying. Don’t settle for a life where every day feels like another fight to survive. There’s more for you than that. There’s healing. There’s freedom. And it starts with seeing things differently.

This is another crucial point. Performance-based religions taught most of us to believe that our value depended on how well we managed our reactions. If you got offended, if you couldn’t “let it go,“ if you struggled with old hurts, you wondered if you were a disappointment to God. However, God never loved you based on your ability to get things right or to see things clearly. God loves you now, confusion and all.

Here’s what I’ve learned from someone who has walked this path: The first step to seeing others rightly is to let God love you where you are. Not after you’ve changed. Not once, you’re less sensitive. Right here, in the thick of your pain, with your defenses up and your fists clenched. That’s where grace meets you.

When you finally let yourself rest in that love, really rest, not just talk about it, you find you don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to make every conversation a test of your worth. Because your heart is anchored in something unshakeable, you can listen, forgive, and move forward. Your wounds or your attitude do not threaten God's love.

Before you try to change how you see everyone else, perhaps the invitation is to let God love you exactly as you are right now. That’s where new vision starts. That’s where healing begins.

Are you willing to grow, or are you content to just react? Leaders ask, “What’s in my hand to change, starting with me?“ Then, they let God do what only He can do.

Want to lead a well-lived life? Begin with your attitude. Start with your heart. Start today.

You’re not stuck with the lens you’ve got. Ask God for a new one. The world will look a whole lot different.