Whose Definition are You Living Under?

Whose definition are you living under right now?

I'm not talking about your résumé or your Instagram bio. I'm asking: whose verdict are you carrying? Whose voice is shaping how you see yourself when no one is watching?

If you're like most of us, you've spent years collecting definitions from people who had no authority to name you in the first place. A critical parent. A harsh boss. A church that made you feel small. A spouse who used words like weapons. Maybe even strangers on the internet who never knew your story but felt qualified to judge your life.

And somewhere along the way, you started believing them.

Here's the trap: other people's definitions feel permanent. When someone labels you: failure, disappointment, too much, not enough: it sticks. You replay the conversation. You edit your behavior. You shrink so you don't give them another reason to be right about you.

But here's what I've learned after more than five decades in ministry, mission work, and pastoral leadership: the loudest voices are rarely the truest ones.

The people who labeled you? They were working from incomplete information. They saw a moment: not your whole story. They judged your outside: not your heart. And they certainly didn't have access to what God knows about you.

So why are we still letting them write our narrative?

The Bible is full of people who lived under the wrong definition: until God renamed them.

Abram ("exalted father") became Abraham ("father of many nations"). Sarai became Sarah. Jacob ("deceiver") became Israel ("one who wrestles with God"). Simon became Peter. Saul became Paul.

God didn't just tweak their identity. He redefined it. And He didn't ask permission from the people who had judged them first.

Romans 8:1 says:

> "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

That word now is everything. It doesn't say "eventually." It doesn't say "once you clean yourself up." It says now. Right now. Today. In the middle of your mess. God's opinion of you is settled: and it has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks.

If you've been living under someone else's definition, this is your permission to stop.

I've watched too many people try to "clear their name" by performing better, defending themselves louder, or proving they were right all along. It never works. You can't argue someone into believing the truth about you. And even if you could, you'd spend your whole life chasing approval instead of walking in freedom.

Living under God's definition means something different. It means:

This isn't about denial. It's not about ignoring real sin or pretending consequences don't exist. It's about anchoring your identity in the One who made you, loves you, and gets the final word.

If you're reading this, chances are you've been carrying someone else's definition for too long. Maybe you were canceled. Maybe you were misunderstood. Maybe someone twisted your story and you've been trying to set the record straight ever since.

I get it. I've been there. I've spent years in ministry watching people crumble under the weight of other people's opinions. I've also spent years learning how to stand up under grace instead of pressure.

And here's what I know: you don't have to live like that anymore.

God's definition of you is not up for debate. It's not conditional. It's not based on your performance, your past, or your ability to convince everyone you were right. It's based on the finished work of Jesus: and that work is done.

This article is just the beginning. If you want the full teaching on identity, reputation, and why God's opinion is the only one that lasts, I wrote a longer piece that goes deeper into the theology, the practical steps, and the freedom waiting on the other side.

Read the full article here: The Truth About Your Name: Why God's Opinion is the Only One That Lasts

You'll also find more resources on living under grace instead of pressure over at waustingardner.com, where I write regularly about freedom, identity, and what it looks like to walk with God after 50+ years of learning the hard way.

If you're bilingual or serve a Spanish-speaking community, I also write in Spanish as Guillermo A. Gardner over at guillermoagardner.substack.com.

And if you want to hear more of these conversations in audio form, check out the Followed by Mercy podcast at followedbymercy.buzzsprout.com, where we talk about grace, recovery, and how to live loved instead of pressured.

Feelings are real, but they're not always true. God's opinion of you doesn't change based on how you feel. Romans 8:1 says there is now no condemnation. That's a present-tense promise. You don't have to wait until you "feel" forgiven to be forgiven. The work is done.

You don't stop caring overnight. But you can start choosing whose voice matters most. Every time you replay someone's judgment, stop and ask: "Is this God's voice or theirs?" Over time, you'll train your heart to listen for the right voice first.

Sometimes reputations heal. Sometimes they don't. But your reputation is not your identity. God knows the truth, and His opinion is the only one that defines you. Let Him carry the burden of "clearing your name." Your job is to walk in freedom.